Finance My Shame

I imagine there are a few of us deadbeats around that spend our days polishing our halo's thinking we have every right to be standing on our moral highgrounds only to be haunted by a mist of hypocritical realisations the moment we close our eyes at night.
Life sure would be great for people like us if there were such a thing as sponsorship for bad consciense.
Please pay me for my daily fit of remorse, pay me for my egotistical conviction that what goes on in my mind has any bearing on the world whatsoever. Grant me a Ferrari for my eagerness to apologise to that poor girl whose life I made a living hell for three years at school. I feel so bad for being lazy I think I deserve a holiday! My dreams are haunted by the fact that I haven't remembered anybody's birthday for four years... I need a new laptop.

All there is to say really, is that if there is such a sponsorship, it's lucky there are two of us because only one is a hypocritical fool but we both feel the benefit... What?!